For class on Tuesday May 5th we discussed communication between couples. This was a very interesting lecture because I found that a lot of things I was doing wrong when I was communicating not only with my girlfriend but others as well, like what is called the “4 horsemen of Apocalypse” Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Either I or the person I am communicating would use one of these in an argument. I now know what needs to be done to have good communication, listening and validating. Stop action, feedback, listen to feedback, summarize and validate, and check impact is all the steps that need to be taken in order to have good communication. Dr. John Gottman one of the top researchers and founder of “Love Lab” found that in good communication the ratio of inflicting pain or causing damage to a loved one to something good is 5:1. It takes 5 good things to heal the damage or pain of one bad thing. This is comes to no surprise to me because negative will always outweigh positive. I think this is true because when people are in conflicts people feel that their has to be a winner of the conflict and people who can not come to an agreement for whatever reason they feel the need to hurt the other person with negative comments.
For our class discussion on Thursday May 7th we talked about Pregnancy. For a long time now I have been hearing the same information about pregnancy and it does get a little annoying but, it is good information to know, but I every time we do discuss it there am something new I learn. I find it amazing that men can show symptoms and go through all the stages of a pregnancy just like the women, this is called couvade. It is strange to think that they are going through the delivery but with no baby, it to me would be a funny site.
I have a friend who is infertile meaning that he can not get someone pregnant. But what I am confused about is that does he still have the ejaculatory fluid when he organisms? Also what about his sperm, they just can not make it to the egg? I would have a hard time having a child that was not from me, my own sperm; it would be a very hard problem for me to accept.
On Tuesday we had a very interesting class discussion. We talked about Masters and Johnsons 4-phases of physiological excitement. The first phase which was excitement, this is where vasocongestion occurs, an increase in blood pressure and in males an erection occurs and in women lubrication happens in the vagina. Second the plateau phase where vasocongestion builds up, this is also where partners experiencesex flush. Next the Orgasm phase where intense sensation is felt in the genetale region, the peak of sex, and is the release of sexual tension. The last phase, the resolution phase, is when the body returns to its normal homeostasis. Both men and women go through the same sexual response cycle, but for men some stages grow longer and women can be in stages longer than men. This is a very cool thing because you know both can go through the same sexual experience with each other, because it sucks when one partner has finished the cycle and the other is still in the plateau phase, no one likes to be left hanging.
Following those amazing phases we also talked about how ethnicity/cultural influences have on sexual expression with people. Religion, social status, pysiological and biological influences all play into how sexual people are. Religion can make couples conservative or non-conservative, or ones economic status can make people more or less aware of the effects of sexual activity.
On thursday we talked about intersex and all the different syndromes that a child can be born with. This to me was very interesting in the sense of how from a mother you always receive an X chromosome, and from the father you will either recieve an X or Y chromosome, and depending on which one you get you will be a boy or a girl, and somewhere in this process you can recieve an extra chromosome. Sex chromosome disorders like Klinefelter’s syndrome occurs in about 1 in 700 male births. With this syndrome there is an extra X chromosome, preventing the male genitalia from fully devolping. For most males this means small testies, low levels of testosterone and are infertile.
taylorH
Being horny is probably one of the most fun and exctiting states to be in, but it can aslo create many problems for you if your not careful. Being horny can interfer with your cognition. There has been more times than none where i have been horny and excited and being caught up in the moment where i didn’t use a condom. What is hard about using a condom is the fact when you go just one time without using one and you realize how good it feels without one, you never want to use one again. This is also a time where peers have a lot of impact on the way you think and your actions. I find it also hard to use condoms when i have my friends who are telling me to hit it raw dog. But what i know that he doesnt is the seriousness of the STI’s and that even though i dont show any symptoms i still could have something. I also know the power of the mind and that if i continue to tell myself that i will be safe and use one i know i will make the conscious effort to use one especially under the influence.
One thing i find amazing is the fact that you will always hear guys talk about how much their dick’s mean to them and how great they are and if anything hits it all hell breaks loose, well if that is the case then why not wrap it up everytime you have a sexual encounter with a stranger? You would think that women would want their parteners to use wrap up because they are more suseptable to STI’s then men. This explains why men are the gas and women are the breaks. Women slow down and make sure that their partner remains safe in regards to sex. The fact that men are “the gas” meaning they are ready to go have sex all the time does not help with infections, there needs to be a counter balance with that and that is why the women are “the breaks.”
It is a horrible and scary thought to think that Bacteria and Bugs are cureable, because what that means is that i can have unprotected sex and still contract something and it be ok because its cureable. So whats the point of wearing a condom? Well is has to be the thought of viruses like Herpes and HPV, because after knowing what they look like and that your always going to have this for the rest of your life is a very scary thought and just the thought of it scars me. For adults who have something, i could not imagine having a child and passing it on to them. If i were a child who did contract something from my parents i dont think i could ever forgive them, they have to pay for thier stupidity as a child, it just would not be fair, especially having a virus that is cureable. -taylor hayes
On Thursday the class discussed the part of the male reproductive organs and found out that males do have a g-spot. The prostate when stimulated also feels extremely good. When i first heard this in class i immediately thought of a friend who when he is getting a blow job that he likes his girlfriend to stick her finger up there. Now i didn’t know why anyone would want something going in exit only “zone” but the fact that it feels good and that it is also good for you is kind of appealing. But dont get me wrong i dont like anything lingering around that part of my body, but i am not ruling it out i am always to try new things. Although i know that if talking about something like this to friends that they would think thats gay for liking someone stick a finger up their butt whenever during sex, and all i can do is laugh at that. Why limit yourself to having only one thing stimulated when you can have multiple parts stimulated, it just means that i am getting doubled the pleasure.
Second, now knowing that the largest sex organ is our skin, and the most important sex organ is our brain, i can see now the times when i have been physically aroused by women but mentally i had no desire for them what so ever. Not only has it been a bad sexual experience but it also made things awkward in the future. A couple should not only be physically attracted to their partner but they need to be mentally attracted to them, because our brains have the biggest impact on our bodys. i have had a few incounters with girls to where they were physically arousing i am not going to deny that, but we could not connect mentally. This was a big problem for myself because i am someone who needs to be able to connect mentally or else things are just not going to work out. And that is saying alot because i feel that i can pretty much connect with anyone other than being physically attracted to them.
Lastly, the most recent time i had sex with a partner i found her little more attached than myself, i had not realized this until i found out that women release a hormone oxytocin, that makes them want to cuddle after having sex. This now does not come to a big surprise to me because being a guy you just want to hump everything in sight, and go around a f-anything with legs, and to most females not all it means more to them. I have found that out through the help of my three female roomates and have found that out the hard way. Having a typical one night stand and leaving very early that night and having no interest in persueing them at all and they wonder why you left and they get very upset at the fact that you did that to them, causing a lot of problems for them.
This past week we have been getting into more of the interesting marterial, and i have to say that i find the femal anatomy fascinating! There are very few things that turn me on more than the sight of my sexual partner naked and all of her body parts. A lot of my grilfriends say that vagina’s look gross and do not understand when i say that i think they look beautiful, but they are just a pretty sight. Don’t get me wrong i am an ass person but there is nothing that compares to vagina’s. This must be the reason why i do not mind going down on girls (if i know there clean). Most of my guy friends don’t or never have but it’s the only way to really hit their clitoris. The fact that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings doubling the head of my penis is crazy to think about. I can only imagine what that feels like when they climaxe, because i find it pretty amazing when i cum.
It is kind of funny with the whole guys dick size and everything because, the way people see it is that it is a measure of your manhood. The bigger the dick the more of a man that you are. Which i find ironic because, if your dick is too big then having sex with someone who can’t take it, it wont be enjoyable for either of the two partners especially when they are complaining the whole time about it. I also feel that guys with smaller penises will add some size to their penis when talking about it with their peers, this to me doesnt make any sense because when talking about sex with my girlfriends they have said some of the best sex they have had was with guys smaller than average (now im not talking about 3-4 inches im saying like 5-6 inches). But for the guys there is a way to make it appear bigger, and that is shave. The is the porno shave or just neatly trimmed look makes it not only look cleaner, but also looks nicer. Because if i were a girl i sure as hell wounldnt want some dude’s pube chillin in the back of my throat. I think we all know that guys with a bush tend to loose a few pubes here and there. Same goes with the girls i understand the “natural” look but no guys wants that either. If you don’t want that happen to you dont let it happen to someone else.
As for myself i think that sight and smell play some of the biggest parts in a good sexual expirience. There is nothing worse when a guy or just as easily a girl who just has a funky aroma about them. You might find yourself just counting the minuets until one of you is finished so you can leave and take a shower just because they might have transferd some of their odor to you. Also who likes to hook up in the pitch dark? I understand that people have thier insecurities but shit, i wanna see who im messing around with. Like i said before the female body is beautiful and i enjoy to seeing it. It doesnt have to be like your in on a movie set, but some nice dim lights maybe a lava lamp or the t.v. on.
-taylor hayes
This past week we have finished discussing the history of sexuality and the theory’s of of sexuality. Although it is not the most exciting part of this sexuality class it is farely interesting to learn some of the theories that help us better understand why the way we are. I particularly liked the Physco anylitical, the Behavioral, and the Cognitive theories.
I found the Physo anylitical theory interesting because when we talked about the Oedupus and Electra complex that stated boys have this love toward their mothers and girls have this love toward thier fathers. I remembered from my behavioral learning psych class that we talked about how when boys are babies they have this unconscious competition with their fathers for thier mothers attention, that there is this natural anger toward their father. Now i wouldn’t go that far, but i do see that boys do have a certain love toward their mom, because me being a guy their is a strong love toward my mom.
I also found it interesting with oral, anal and genitalia fixations becuase with all those i could relate to, especially the genitalia. I feel that for most guys fromt the day they realized they had a dick that everytime they are sitting around the house watching tv or doing whatever it is that they are doing they will always put their hands in their pants. I have been told countless number of times by my mom and by my girlfriends to “get my hands out of my pants.” I don’t know what it is but their is just this comforting feeling when i have my hands in my pants. Not to mention when im with my girlfriend its an quick way to get myself horny.
i also found the behavioral theory interesting because with operant conditioning you pair likes and dislikes to certain objects or things. Its interesting when you hear or have all these different fetishes and wonder how they came about. Whenever i think about this i go back to all the sexual incounters that i have had with girls whether good or bad and immediatly come to realize that, oh thats why i am like, or oh thats why i have this fetish.
And with the Cognitive theory i find that thoughts, and my eyes are the biggest key factors that go into me having a good sexual experience. There has been time where my eyes were useless and times where there was light, and there was a certain unexpectedness, and where i had to rely on my other senses to do my arousing but i would very much perfer to have my eyesight intact. I like see the other persons body, i think the females body is a beautiful thing and why cover it up. But thats not to say that it is not fun to rely on other senses every once in a while.
Within this past week we have begun to talk about the history of sex starting off with the Hebrews, Romans, the Greeks and Asia. All i have to say in regards to how things were in acient times is that im am glad to be born in the era that i was, because i am someone who absolutely does not like the fact that people were forced into marriages; that is not to say that i dont understand it, in which i do but its just not my forte. Now i do have to say that if i were to be born back then i would’nt mind coming from India. The Kama Sutra would be something i would like to follow, especially the part where sex plays an important role in healthy relationships. I personally feel that sex is an important key to every relationship. Much unwanted tension can be released through sex, and its an important time where two people can bond in a way that no one else outside their relationship can. I feel that people can learn a lot about themselves and their partners through their sexual experiences.
After seeing the film on the 20th Century sex there were many things i remember learning about and interesting facts that i never even knew about. I would have to say my favorite and most interesting fact i learned about was that Ben Franklin and George Washington had open relationships and were very sexual people. I can not help but think back to last semester and how my History teacher praised them both on how great and noble they were, but i wonder if he would still think so highly of them if he found out that they were players? Ya probably, because personally i think thats pretty freaking awsome that even our forefathers were doing the same stuff that we are today.
Thirdly If i could be born in any time period other than the late 20th century it would definately have to be in the late 1950’s becuase that way i would just be old enough to hit the 2nd sexual revolution. There would be nothing cooler to be born in a time period where the exploration of our body was occuring and so openly! There was just so many sweet events happening in this time period, everything from group sex to the making of pornography. I would love to be apart of an era where open relationships were okay, where swingers were the happening thing, (though i would still want a girlfriend but would not want her in the same group sex because my jelously would take over) a time period where the first movies of pronography came out! And lastly an era where i believe that people truley loved the way the human body looked…naked.
-taylorH
